My grandparents, on my moms side, were in love with each other their entire lives. Unfortunately they just couldn’t quite figure out how to love each other through all their differences. My grandfather remarried well before I was even a twinkle in my parents eyes. My half-gran was a horrible unhappy woman who seethed with jealousy towards my grandmother. I don’t have a single recall of this woman smiling…..EVER. It was early on, once I understood what loyalty was, that I realized these facts and hated half-gran for hating my grandmother – now I know, hate is a strong word, but it is fitting- I of course, always thought my grandmother as awesome and could see even half-gran knew she would never reach my grans level of awesome, she was wretched.
There were few times that I recall us getting together for holidays. I also remember she would sit, quiet and all puckered mouthed just looking at my grandmother. I am sure she was just waiting for the ceiling to take her out….and I watched her watch her. My grandmother, on the other hand, would not ever notice it, or at least lead onto the fact that she did. My grandmother would be who she always was, happy, full of life and very well loved. It imagine it unnerved half-gran that she would never get the satisfaction of shaking her cage. This was magical to me…….the fact that she never, ever let this woman dictate how her mood was going to be was a work of art. I honestly thought my grandmother was a going for sainthood.

*sigh* it was a reality check when I eventually learned she merely a common mortal.

Anyway, I can’t say that my grandmother knew I was watching but what I can say is this….I WAS watching and I was learning because I thought she shit bars of gold. I watched and held every moment that was stoic, that was nothing short of classy and always of her own free will, it was WHO she was, it was never an act.
We can tell children we influence to do things a certain way, to be a certain way….it takes great courage, confidence and self assurance to LIVE like you want the children you influence to live. I believe I had one of life’s best teachers for that. I am so glad I had my eyes wide open.
The other side of this story is this, every time my grandfather laid eyes on my grandmother he was smitten. I knew they had a sad love story. One of pride and independence taking over the tenderness of it all. The reality of that broke my heart, that and to see them so torn. I had a feeling though that this was the only way they would ever get along….I never saw them fight. I never saw them be unkind to one another and I believed that all people in the world lived this way when a divorce happened. They truly believed in family first, issues were never even in the running. I grew to appreciate this selfless act of my grandparents, some things we are too young to understand….the unnatural fact I was not, I am so grateful.
So thank you gran and granddad for sowing the seeds of love for me even though your own gardens for each other stopped growing. I am a better person because of it. I have a feeling though, that you knew that would happen all along.