The other day, while I was leisurely wandering through the grocery store, my pace slowed to a crawl. It wasn’t due to indecision about kale or spinach. Instead, I stumbled upon a riveting debate between two Karen’s.

Shredder Karen was teaching Block Karen about a deep philosophical debate. They discussed whether packaged shredded cheese was healthier than block cheese shredded. Now, I know I should’ve pushed the cart faster and kept moving. Curiosity grabbed me, much like a toddler at a candy store. I found myself stuck in the middle of this life-altering discourse. It was similar to watching a live version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” However, instead of money, they were fighting over cheese and perspective. I couldn’t help but stay.

The “Half Full” People

Shredder Karen —the glass-half-full person. Oh, how adorable. She’s the type who would tell you, “It’s not that bad” or “At least you have a job!” when you’re in the middle of a meltdown because your Uber driver took you the wrong way to the airport. These people are basically living motivational posters, their eyes sparkling with a constant stream of Pinterest quotes and positive vibes.

Look, optimism is fine, but let’s be honest for a second. If the glass is half full, that still means half of it is EMPTY. Does shredder Karen realize that? Or is she too busy gazing into the distance, imagining a world where she’s always on time and never has to deal with a flat tire?

Don’t get me wrong—being optimistic is great. It’s amazing if you’re, I don’t know, a life coach. It can also be great for someone who has never had to deal with the emotional trauma of a missed flight. This also applies to an unexpected parking ticket. But reality check: even if the glass is technically half full, there’s still a large, sad section of it that’s EMPTY. Kind of like when you scroll through Instagram and see someone’s perfect vacation pic while you’re eating instant noodles in your pajamas at 2 p.m.

The “Half Empty” People

Enter Block Karen —our glass-half-empty aficionado. These people have seen it all—the disappointment, the struggle, and the eternal sense of doom that no matter how much water you pour in, the glass is still half empty. It’s like they’re living in a 90s black-and-white film, one where every day is rainy, and no one ever gets their refund from Amazon.

These are the folks who, when you ask, “How’s it going?” hit you with the legendary, “Well, it could be worse.” Yes, Karen. It could be worse. You could be trapped on a reality show where everyone just argues about which cheese is better—shredded or block. Oh wait. That’s basically what we’re doing right now.

The “Wait, Who Cares?” People

Here’s the real deal: the glass is just a metaphor. It doesn’t matter if it’s half full or half empty. We could argue about this all day (and apparently, some people do). But at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is whether there’s enough in the bottle to help you get through your next existential crisis. Or, you know, whether you can find the cheese that’s going to make your taco worth living for.

So let’s all stop pretending that this debate is some profound reflection of our worldviews. The only thing that really matters is whether or not shredded Karen eventually figured out if she wanted block cheese or shredded. Because, as it turns out, that did live rent-free in my head for the rest of the day.