Triangulation in a family dynamic often involves one person using another as a messenger or a tool to create discord. They take a simple conversation and create an entirely different scenario and intention.

My sister and I felt caught in the middle of situations where we were unknowingly manipulated into taking sides. It wasn’t just emotional games; it was isolating, and we were made to feel as though we had to compete for love and attention, even though we were supposed to be allies.

There were times when I didn’t know if I could trust my sister or even if we were on the same team. We’d have arguments that seemed to come out of nowhere, we went no contact many times. But as we grew older, we realized that these were the result of the confusion triangulation causes. It was difficult to separate our real feelings from the ones that were manufactured by external forces. The weight of this carried through much of our childhood. As adults, my sister and I had a wake-up call. We realized that we were still letting the past insecurities dictate how we interacted. We needed to have an open conversation, one without blame, to figure out where we stood and how we could rebuild trust. It wasn’t easy—tears were shed, and difficult truths were spoken—but it was the first step toward healing.” I remember being scared as hell to have this conversation with her. I also remember the immense amount of relief once the air was cleared.

Once we were both able to acknowledge the hurt that triangulation caused, we committed to strengthening our relationship in a healthier way. We started spending more time together, without the baggage of old emotional manipulation, and we supported each other more openly. We also set clear boundaries with others who were still trying to stir the pot. It took time, but with each step, we rediscovered the bond we had lost. We also lost a few with an empty pot to stir. Surviving triangulation taught us both the importance of clear communication, mutual respect, and trust. We learned that we didn’t need anyone else’s approval or manipulation to define our relationship. Today, my sister and I are stronger than ever—not just because of our shared experiences, but because we now understand the value of supporting one another unconditionally. My only regret is that we did not do it sooner.

To anyone who is caught in a triangulated dynamic, I want you to know that healing is possible. It’s okay to feel lost and confused, but remember that your relationship with your loved ones, especially siblings, can be rebuilt. It takes time, patience, and honest conversations. If my sister and I can overcome the emotional manipulation we faced, so can you. Together, we can break the cycles of triangulation and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Cheers and a few tears